


keep your head up

by justdk



Series: keep it together [3]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, POV Richard Gansey III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: Gansey is struggling and Noah is there to comfort him
Relationships: Noah Czerny & Richard Gansey III
Series: keep it together [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560091
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15
Collections: Czernsgiving 2019 A Noah Week





	keep your head up

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Czernsgiving Day 3: Warm Embrace
> 
> Title from Stubborn Love by The Lumineers

Monmouth was dark and empty. Adam had moved out and Ronan was gone, probably at Adam’s now that Kavinsky was dead and he wasn’t driven to race around Henrietta anymore. Surprisingly, this did not make Gansey feel better.

He felt wrung out. His quest now had a body count. Sure, most of the cloak and dagger business was due to Ronan and his peculiar gifts but Gansey still felt responsible. If he had _known_ maybe he could have managed Ronan better, kept him from going to Kavinsky to answers, smoothed things over with Declan. Ronan had dreamt him a _car_ – what wasn’t he capable of doing and dreaming? Where did it end?

Gansey sank onto his bed and pulled his pillow over his face. His brain was capable of handling his own death and resurrection, a mystical quest for a sleeping king, even the ghostly existence of one of his best friends, but now there were curses and psychics, a girl with death on her lips, a boy with godlike powers (and who knew if there were more like him?), a magical forest, and another boy playing with forces that none of them understood. He was beginning to understand that he was no longer the strangest one of his group of friends; he never had been. He had his quest, one appointed by a mysterious entity, and he had his renewed life but it didn’t feel like his. It should have been Noah’s.

Noah had been betrayed by his friend and murdered in order to wake the ley line. Gansey had died because his body couldn’t withstand bee stings. It didn’t seem like a fair trade.

“Life isn’t fair.”

Noah’s voice was clear in his ear, even with the pillow blocking his ears. The bed dipped next to him and Gansey felt Noah’s chilling presence settle by him.

“I would give my life again,” Noah said quietly, “if it meant saving yours. I would do it over and over again.” 

“No.” Gansey pushed the pillow away and turned to face Noah. “I don’t want that, Noah. I want to save you. Can’t we save you?” The words stung his throat and he felt perilously close to tears.

“Didn’t you, though?” Noah smiled softly and reached over to brush Gansey’s hair off his forehead. “You befriended me when I was nothing. Literally nothing, Gansey. You gave me a place to stay, no questions asked. You always made sure that I was a part of your life, that I belonged. Me, a – a g – gh –”

Noah’s throat worked and he couldn’t seem to get the word out. Gansey grabbed Noah’s hand and held it between his palms, trying to press some warmth into his seven years cold hand.

“You don’t have to say it,” Gansey murmured. “Before anything else, Noah, you’re my friend. I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner… that I didn’t ask the questions I should have.” Gansey sighed. “You fit so well with us, it was like you had always been a part of my life.” Noah blinked; his eyes were dark, dark as the smudge on his cheek.

“I didn’t want you to know about me,” Noah confessed. “I liked being one of the guys. You and Ronan and Adam, you’re special. Not just because of all the spooky stuff, but you’re meant to be.” His fingers moved between Gansey’s palms, warming up little by little. “Arthur and his knights. Glendower and his court.”

Gansey grinned and felt his cheeks flush. Noah always knew what to say to make him feel better. Noah knew him better than anyone. It was unfair that he still knew so little about him.

“I don’t feel very kingly at the moment,” Gansey admitted. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Noah how lonely he felt with Adam and Ronan gone, with Blue on the other side of town. He could call Blue but did he really want to burden her with his moping, with his anxieties over his friends and the future and killers at large and the uncertainty of his continued existence?

“Even kings need a night off.” Noah moved closer until his knees bumped against Gansey’s. “You know what always helped when everything seemed kind of hopeless?”

Gansey shook his head, his gaze locked with Noah’s. “What?”

“A good hug.” Noah smiled and for the briefest moment he seemed to be both older and younger, startlingly present. Gansey smiled back, a bit shy, and closed the space between them, moving into the circle of Noah’s arms. By some trick Noah actually felt warm. Gansey leaned his cheek against Noah’s chest and Noah’s cheek rested on top of Gansey’s hair.

“Just like that,” Noah whispered. He squeezed his arms around Gansey, making him feel wonderfully snug and safe. Noah’s hands, usually so uncertain, curled securely over Gansey’s shoulders.

With anyone else Gansey might have started to feel tense and awkward as the hug lingered but with Noah he let himself relax. He twined his arms around Noah’s slender waist and let their legs tangle. He closed his eyes and sank into the warm embrace. Noah’s heart didn’t beat and his chest didn’t rise and fall, but he hummed with a different kind of energy, the same energy that had brought Gansey back from the dead.

Sadness split Gansey’s heart as he thought about how their fates had intertwined over seven years ago on the ley line. He gripped Noah tighter, a silent apology, an earnest desire to _let it be him let him live let me save him_.

“Shhh,” Noah murmured. “Don’t think about that right now.” Noah stroked Gansey’s hair and pretended not to notice the tears that wet his shirt. “Soon you’ll meet someone who will become one of your greatest friends,” Noah continued. “He’ll give you his truth and then he’ll share another truth, one that will change your life.” Gansey swallowed and blinked rapidly, trying to stop the tears from coming. Noah kissed the top of his head, comfort and benediction blending. “I won’t ruin the surprise,” Noah said, “but I can tell you this, Gansey: you’re going to be okay.”

Gansey had so many things he wanted to say right then, so many promises he wanted to make. He was used to being the one who comforted, who made reassurances. Surrender did not come easily but he surrendered himself to the moment and to Noah’s care.

“Noah,” Gansey whispered, voice catching, “you – you’re a true friend, the best of friends.” Noah made a soft sound and Gansey tightened his hold on Noah’s waist. “We never should have been friends but I’m so glad that we are.”

Noah didn’t say anything in reply but he held Gansey tighter and wiped the tears from his face.

They stayed like that for a long time, long enough for Gansey to start to nod off, his mind and body finally finding their way to sleep. When he dreamed it was of a sunlit forest, his friends, and a king.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @dkafterdark


End file.
